Random Star Wars Crap
by The Lord of Shadow
Summary: What is happening? Anakin is chewing gum, Obi-Wan has been K.O'd, and the droids are going to drop a bomb? and what does sephiroth have to do with is?


A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Anakin Skywalker was on a space ship with Obi-wan Kenobi above the planet Coruscant. They were on their way to find their clone allies to give reinforcements as they were losing the battle they were in. While on the way, Obi-wan noticed that Anakin was chewing on something and became curious.

So he asked him why.

"I'm chewing gum" Anakin said. "It's an old invention from some planet no one cares about".

"Well spit it out, that chewing noise is getting very annoying".

Anakin then opened the door to the space ship and spit the gum out.

"Well that was stupid" Obi-wan said. "We're in space you dolt".

Anakin then slapped Obi-wan across the face, swearing at him like a space-trucker that got hit by a space-car in space.

While this was happening, the gum that Anakin spat out was falling down to Coruscant. Instead of burning up like most things do in the atmosphere, the gum instead started to pick up speed...

XxXxX

On Coruscant, a droid nuker was going to drop the biggest bomb in history of the universe, the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000, on the Republic forces.

"Prepare the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000" Droid #178,632, a droid captain, said.

"Roger roger" Droid# 170,462 Said back."Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000 ready sir".

"Very good" the Droid captain said "release the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000 on my command ".

"Can't we call it something else?"Droid #1520367 asked, annoyed at the long name

Just then a hologram a man (he had a beard) wearing a cloak appeared on the holo-tron.

"I've felt a disturbance in the force." The man said. "Has someone been questioning the name of my super awesome super device?"

"No, my lord. No one would dare question your device's name"

"Good. Launch the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000 as soon as it is ready"

"Yes my lord" the commander replied.

As the dark lord vanished from view, the droid commander released the breath he didn't know, nor was capable of holding.

"Deploy the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000 " the droid captain commanded.

Just as he said that, the flying piece of gum crashed into the Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000, jamming the launcher and causing it to explode. The resulting explosion reached Anakin and Obi-wan in space.

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WAS THAT!" Obi-wan screamed in Anakin's ear. Anakin punched Obi-wan in the balls and yelled in his ear "HOW DO YOU LIKE WHEN I SCREAM IN YOUR EAR!?"

Obi-wan kicked Anakin in the weenie and said "shut up, it was an accident" Anakin replied with a roundhouse kick to the back of Obi-wan's neck, effectively knocking Obi-wan out.

XxXxX

While that was happening a portal had opened on Coruscant. Out of the portal stepped out the ex-soldier 1st class, Sephiroth. 'Where the holy name of all that is me is I?' Sephiroth thought. He then checked his stat screen to see where he was. 'What kind of planet is named Croissant' he wondered so he pulled out his nine-foot katana and checked if it was damaged.

After he checked his inventory, he was pleased to find out that most of his materia was completely fine. The restore and ultima materia however, were broken. 'Damn it Where am I going to find more materia?' he thought.

He then looked to his right to see a giant, glow in the dark, neon flashing sign pointing to a shop saying free materia. 'Well that was oddly convenient' Sephiroth thought.

He flew over to the shop (because he can fly like that) and kicked in the door. "Give me a restore and an ultima" he said to the shopkeeper

"a-a-a-a-alright s-s-s-s-s-sir!" the man said. Running to the back room where he kept his materia and guns. He pulled out a sawed off double barrel fully automatic shotgun/AK47 crossbreed of sorts and shot him point blank in the face. He then proceeded to waste twelve full clips and a grenade into his face.

Sephiroth, who not surprisingly was still alive, pretended to be dead and dropped to the floor. 'Wooh, I thought he'd never die' the man though. After he turned around, Sephiroth grabbed his now eleven foot sword and stabbed the man multiple times in the legs and grabbed his spine through his stomach "where is the materia" Sephiroth asked (demanded).

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-its-"

He never finished as Sephiroth got annoyed and ripped out the man's spine.

"I'll get it myself you face-shooting scum".

When he got to the back room, he found a treasure chest. As he was opening it, he heard a strange music coming from seemingly nowhere.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN"

'Were the hell did that come from?' Sephiroth thought.

as Sephiroth left the room, he saw a little green ogre-imp holding a radio.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN" the radio played

"stop that at once" Sephiroth said to the creature.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN" The radio played again

"stop it"

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN"

"seriously"

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN"

Sephiroth, having enough of the creatures shit, slashed the radio (and the goblin-imp thing) into microscopic pieces.

He then exited the shop to see one bazillion googolplex clones of the shopkeeper, each holding his weapon (the shotgun/AK47 crossbreed of sorts if you forget) after a battle that lasted three years and day; Sephiroth came out victorious although he was severely injured.

He remembered that he bought (stole) the restore materia and used it. Then the damned thing blew up. While flying through space, Anakin's space ship smashed into him and crashed into the planet destroying yet another Super Duper Ultimate Super Technology Omega-Troninator 5000 which in turn detonated another and another until all the life on the planet (except Sephiroth) was eliminated.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN"

"OH GOD DAMNIT" Sephiroth cried to the heavens

THE END

XxXxX

Well, there you have it.

Please review, and tell me what you think.


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